i’m back!

welcome to my 100th post! (this post a mess and my writing voice is all over the place and what is grammar and coherency?? i don’t know. please excuse me writing posts is so foreign! and also i’ve kinda stopped holding my blog to this high standard and just let myself write half-formed sentences and cringe thoughts. so get used to it!!)

It has simply been too long since I’ve sat down to actually write a blog post (i wrote most of this recent post a long time ago and edited it a few days ago to publish it)

I can’t believe it’s taken a global pandemic to bring me back to blogging…not that i don’t love it! I just know I wouldn’t have posted if it wasn’t for the social distancing we’re all doing! I feel like I have so much to talk about so I’m going to split this up into sections.

🌻school🌻

So, to break this down quickly, this was my last year of secondary, meaning the last year of 5 years with people I have grown up with since I was like 12…! And of course, I knew that i’d be leaving these people soon and going to sixth form, where I would be with a whole new set of people, and in a new school and environment. But I thought I had at least 3 more months with my friends before the end of the year, before we said goodbye to our secondary years. 

Due to Covid-19, all schools in the UK were shut down until further notice. From what it looks like, this school year over. For other years, of course, they can continue with virtual learning. But for year 11s, me, its all over, and so quickly. What this means

  • My GCSES were cancelled. I have been preparing for these exams for THREE years!! I have worked so, so hard. 
  • We still need grades to get into sixth form, so the process is going to be a teacher submits a grade for you and the exam board reviews it.
  • Reasons why this is terrible? Even if I get the best grade, I won’t feel like I deserved it. I never actually sat the exam! And I know I sound like such a nerd, but I really did want to sit those exams and prove to myself that I could achieve. And now I’ve been robbed of it and it feels so, so unfair. 
  • I might not get the grade I want and have the option to take an exam in autumn but I won’t know my grade till the end of July…? So I’d only have like a month to prepare for that exam, and I have no idea if I’ll be motivated.

Basically the entire process is so messy and of course I know, there’s nothing no one can do. No one expected a global pandemic. And it’s just so so sad. That my exams are cancelled. That I had to say goodbye to my friends, and had my last day of school. That Monday, I had no idea it’d be my last Monday in school. By Friday, I had my last day of school with my friends. We signed shirts and took pictures and it was a great day!! But it felt rushed and cheap, and I’m so so sad that everything happened at such short notice.

So yeah!! I was incredibly sad for a few days but now I’ve just got used to it? I still video-call with my friends and we text a lot but its not the same. 

🌻writing🌻

So I am doing Camp Nano! I would like to continue with this excitement but for the past like 5 days I have written practically nothing. For the first week I was going SO strong. I was writing 1000+ words a day (on track to reach my 30,000 word count goal) and now? I just don’t feel motivated and have lost all my inspiration! I’m desperately trying to get back into writing but I can’t and it sucks. Right now, I’m on 8000 words and it doesn’t seem like it will be increasing any time soon! 

I don’t really feel like talking about what I’m writing. It’s basically the same project from this post (that was like 1+ years ago) but everything’s changed a lot apart from the characters (Amber no long exists tho…oops) nevertheless, I was very excited to write this (and to be honest, the entire concept is one I’m so so proud of) But here’s a very bad and rushed aesthetic? #themonsterwip

🌻reading🌻

Okay but for real! Of course I have been reading! But just not as much as you would think with all this free time I have (seriously I have no obligations to do anything these days.) 

  • The Girls by Emma Cline // This was a book I picked up on the whim and I actually really loved it? The atmosphere was really vivid (and I love that in books) and it was just insanely fucked up…and maybe that’s why i was so into it! It feels very plotless at points but I had so much fun getting invested in this weird cult and murder book?
  • Aristotle and Dante Discover The Secrets of The Universe // I’m not even going to say anything? This is my fourth read of this book and everytime I end up loving it more? Of course, I cried. Of course, this is still my favourite book of all time.
  • The Starless Sea by Erin Morgenstern // This was one of my most anticipated reads ever and first can I say, owning this book makes me so happy. It’s so large and beautiful!! The cover is breathtaking! And so is the inside. The writing style in this is gorgeous and I loved being transported to another world.
  • Imagine Me by Tahereh Mafi // The finale!! It wasn’t perfect, a disclaimer. I still love the original trilogy so much more than this new one. But! I’m reminded of how much I love these characters. I laughed out loud at so many points and also was physically screaming towards the end. 

I’m currently reading (well, listening to the audiobook) The King of Crows by Libba Bray which is another finale (to the Diviners Series) and i’m enjoying it so far!! I can’t really say anything about it because of spoilers though.

🌻life🌻

I feel like talking about Covid-19 but I feel like there’s no escape from talking about it so I won’t. You’ll have heard everything I say about it before so there’s no point?

i rewatched some of my favourite movies – bridge to terabithia and the perks of being a wallflower and i cried both times!! gotta love emotional fragility.

My sleep schedule has gone down the drain, I spend most of my days being aimless, I’ve tried to work out some days (nothing too intense) and like sitting in the garden and soaking in the sun and eating watermelons. Oh and music! I’ve been listening to a lot of music.  You can find my spotify here. Oh and I also wrote a letter to future me (in 5 years) on this website and it was a lot of fun!! The future is crazy to think about.

I love you guys so much!! I’m so glad to be back and hear about you’re all doing in these wild times in the comments ❤ ❤ (also if you have any show/movie recommendations, pls drop them blow)

ilsa

40 thoughts on “i’m back!”

  1. Congrats on 100 posts!! it really sucks that you couldn’t write your GCSES I hope this whole thing gets significantly un-sucky with time though. The FutureMe concept sounds so cool I’m literally going to do that rn!

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  2. congrats on your 100th post! it really sucks that you don’t get to sit your gcses :(( I’m doing mine next year so i only really miss out on content and lose motivation. I’m so happy you enjoyed the books you read and it’s really great that you’re back! i can’t wait to see more of your posts in my feed 💛

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  3. missed you loads! i feel you on the whole nano thing, i’m at a plateau but i’m trying really hard not to let it get to me because i’m trying. and that matters. also bridge to terabithia and the perks of being a wallflower both ruined me, so i think i might watch both of them again soon lol. congrats on your 100th post lovely! xx

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  4. *deep inhale* AHHHHH ILSA!!! WELCOME BACK ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

    I’m always excited to see your posts!! It’s askfjlakfj that you had to return during a global pandemic, but I’m so glad to catch up with all that you’ve been up to!! Virtual learning has been weird AF. I’m sorry that you had to say bye to your friends earlier than expected too 😦 My sleep schedule also has been terrible, but hopefully, we can fix it as the days go by. Congrats on your 100th post!!

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    1. *deep inhale* TIFFANY!! ive missed blogging quite a bit and I’m so excited to catch up on your posts ❤ ❤

      I've had a few virtual lessons (even tho now i literally don't because i don't have anything to study for) but its weird? so weird? and omgI've been going to sleep so late and i don't know how to fix it at this point. thank you so much for this sweet comment!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Congrats on a 100 posts, Ilsa!! That’s fabulous! And I’m so sorry about the school situation, because it truly is horrible. I can’t imagine how all the students who were supposed to graduate feel now that most graduation ceremonies have been cancelled and all. We seriously need a restart of 2020.
    Bridge to Terabithia was such a sad movie!!! It was so so sad and ahh, I should probably rewatch it just to cry.
    I hope things get better for you ❤ stay safe ✨

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  6. That WIP aesthetic!!! I love it 😍 Welcome back!! I kind of understand how you feel about your GCSEs being cancelled, I’d done a lot of job interview prep for an apprenticeship only for the interviews to be cancelled 🙃 Hopefully I still have a chance of getting it, and I hope you get the grades you want 🤞🏻

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  7. Welcome back and congrats on 100th post, Isla!! I’m sorry that you weren’t able to sit in for your exams and that you won’t have a proper last day with everything that has happened ☹️. It’s pretty 💩, but congrats on also finishing secondary 😅! Good luck with campnano too!
    Also, I cackled at the screencap of that tweet 😂. To be fair, the four books you read is a lot of reading to me 😅. And I really want to pick up The Diviners series!
    As for tv show recs, Terrace House is a Japanese reality TV show that I need more people to watch, so I can scream about it with them 😅.

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    1. Thank you so much! Yeah i was really sad about it but now I’m just kinda like i have to go with whatever life is right? i mean those are the only 4 books I’ve read this year hahaha. And thanks so much for the recommendation!! I’ll check it out ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  8. ahhhh i’m so happy you’re back!! i haven’t posted anything for ages as well lol. i’m in the same position as you with gcses and everything and i totally agree with all your points, we’ll just have to wait until we get our results and take it from there. i watched perks of being a wallflower for the first time the other day and omds!! it’s so amazing, i can’t aha. can’t wait to see your next few posts :)))

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    1. thank you!! i hope you get amazing results (i think I’ll do okay but not spectacular) and omg yes!!! I’m so glad you liked the perks of being a wallflower it’s such a great movie and the characters are all so amazing and perfect and i want to be friends with all of them

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  9. Welcome back, Ilsa!! I really loved reading this post and I’m looking forward to reading any posts in the future, your blogging voice is amazing and your posts are always wonderful.💛I’m so sorry about the end of your year getting ruined, as well as your tests! I’m in a similar boat with my AP exams getting messed up and it’s just the worst to know that I won’t get to take the proper test I’ve been preparing for? But, still, congrats on finishing secondary school and I’m wishing you all the best with everything, and hoping you stay safe and healthy during this time!!

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    1. Thank you so much Olivia! I’m really looking forward to reading your posts now that I’m back into blogging! I’m sorry to hear about your exams as well 😦 I just want this all to be over. and omg tysm you’re so kind stay safe as well!!<3

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  10. welcome back sweet!! ugh, i’m so sorry to hear about your school situation :/ i know that has to be super stressful. wishing u the very best! ❤ hey, at least u had ur writing mojo for a good space of time there! although i did start a story before quarantine began, and i still feel really psyched about the whole concept, i haven't made anytime to lay some more story groundwork. hopefully soon :') xx

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  11. Congrats on your 100th post!! And welcome back! Everything is so bad with covid but I am happy you read Imagine me

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  12. Welcome back, and congratulations on being almost done! I am sure that when you’re so close to the finish line, as you are now, it’s frustrating to not be able to just TAKE the exams and know how well you did. BUT I’m really impressed you’re giving yourself some projects to do – and Nano is no small project! – on top of staying on top of everything else. Best of luck with these upcoming months of teaching yourself, more or less.

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  13. you know this, but i’m very very happy that you’re back!! and i genuinely can’t wait to see more posts from you, whenever they come 🙂 or criminal minds >:) or miraculous ladybug >:)

    okay i love you lots!! sorry for the big rant abt writing lmao. i read this once when i first saw it and again just now to comment and my heart is full!!

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    1. bruh… wordpress deleted like a whole chunk of my comment i’m gonna cry 😭😭 well basically all i talked about was that i’m in the same boat as you with camp nano except i now want to ditch the whole idea (which is fine bc it was barely developed) for another one bc i have commitment issues! your aesthetic is very pretty and i hope you get your writing mojo back! and i also want to watch perks of a wallflower, which i know will be very emotion-destroying but that’s okay! screw you wordpress

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      1. umm wordpress sucks i hate them i wanted to read ur glorious rant about writing :((((( and watch the perks of being a wallflower pls I’m begging u. and I’ve watched episodes of miraculous ladybug here and there but I’m just not as invested as you :))

        Liked by 1 person

  14. Welcome back!! I’m really excited to read more posts from you 😀 I’m sorry to hear that your academic life has gotten messy due to the virus, but I hope everything will be sorted out. Regardless of the outcome or your grade, I believe you’re a bright student! I hope inspiration comes back to you to keep going with your WIP and reading, but slow progress is still progress! Keep going ❤

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