*melts into a puddle* // i’m not back from my hiatus, i’m just saying hi!!!

It kinda thrills me to write this post.

AHHHHH

(this post will be mostly unedited, full of typos, what is grammar, what is a sentence, where is my sanity, I don’t know what this is, an update post?, I don’t even know if my blog is alive anymore, is anyone reading this, okay)

My last proper post was August 24th 2019. So it’s been about two months. WHERE AM I. is my new brand disappearing, coming back to write an update post, then disappearing again? Maybe. I’m becoming one of those annoying bloggers who keeps swearing their back from their hiatus but never are.

I’m sorry!

School this year has been hectic, and wild. I feel like I hardly ever have a spare moment to myself. I’ve only got to write this because its my half term, a week-long break off school, so I can finally BREATHE. Though, the looming responsibility of homework is still there, at the back of my mind.

The truth is, I’m not sure where I am with blogging right now.

Before school, ah – the blissful summer holidays, I did some thinking about where this new school year would take me. I already knew it would be my most stressful year because duh – GCSES! So, I came to the conclusion that I needed to quit blogging.

At the time, it did sound nice. I wanted to continue reviewing on goodreads (because I find it just loads of fun and need a place to ramble) and also didn’t mind Instagram. I would delete my twitter account because I detest everything twitter and toxic…and focus a lot more on myself. To be quite frank, leaving blogging didn’t panic me…it excited me

And yet months without it made me realise I miss it quite a bit. Do I miss it because it’s been a staple of my life for five years or because I actually enjoy it? A memoir by me

I just…I’m not leaving blogging! Didn’t mean to panic you. I don’t really want to do right now, and so I won’t. I wanted to let you guys know that I’ve been considering it – heavily.

I’m not back properly and won’t be until July. This is not my coming back from hiatus post. This is me saying I HAVE FREE TIME BUT WILL RETREAT INTO MY CAVE SOON I’M JUST POPPING INTO THE DAYLIGHT TO SAY HI

Have I been reading your lovely posts? Unfortunately, no. I’ve clicked on a few, and commented on some but I just haven’t had the time to do anything, let alone blog hop! I do miss you all though and all the fun bookishness of everything.

I guess I should talk more about Twitter. I’m going to be deactivating my account soon (once I’ve backed it all up) because I HATE IT. Over the past 2 or 3 years I’ve been on the cursed site, I’ve become to detest it. I hate to use the word but its so toxic. It’s people having opinions that aren’t really theirs…just a copy of someone popular. It’s being hateful for retweets. It’s so, so negative and shames you for liking anything! Book twitter is SOOOOOOOOOOOOO stupid, like the most, and I hate everyone on there making big deals about EVERYTHING every WEEK. Like gosh do any of these people have LIVES?!?!?!?? I just hate petty drama.

ARE YOU TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF ILSA? You all ask. Well, I’m too tired to breathe most of the time. I have extra lessons after school everyday making me even more tired when I come home, as I’ve already had to wake up very early for school. The weather is nearly always miserable, and there’s always homework to do everyday, plus extra revision and studying to do in preparation for exams. And then there’s all that extra stress of being a teenager with stupid struggles and a stupid mind! 

SO.

I don’t know. Please don’t try and be sympathetic for me because I feel like its me not knowing how time manage AT ALL!!!!

But yeah! HAVE YOU BEEN READING ILSA? Barely. The only main thing I have time for are audiobooks as I can listen to them on the way to school but other than that, I haven’t had a lot of time to indulge into a physical novel. 

• Sorcery Of Thorns by Margaret Rogerson – FOUR STARS [review]  // There’s not a day I don’t miss this world – the warm cosy feel of Elisabeth in Nathaniel’s study, the hum of libraries, the dangerous threat of demons, and the electricity of magic. AHHH. This book basically saved my life, and provided an escape from reality, when I so desperately desperately needed it. Its predictable, and slow, and drags out, and too convenient at times, but gosh, if it wasn’t deeply immersive. Also, demons with a sad backstory?…Yes
• Uprooted by Naomi Novik – ONE STAR [review]  // i was really fooled by the first 100 pages of this novel. they were fast-paced, intriguing and managed to be a great set up for a story that i thought would be utterly breathtaking. when i tell you i was ready to five star this, i mean i had 23 speeches in my head declaring my adoration of this story and was prepared to add it to every favourites list ever. but, just like my life, this book only went downhill. i’m just not sure what the point of this book was. By the end, I was skimming the pages, desperately wanting it to be over. this book was mostly a snooze-fest and mostly consisted of me not giving one fuck.
• The Sun is Also a Star by Nicola Yoon – THREE STARS [a very poorly written review] – YA love story fluffly contemporary…please no. But, shocker, I kinda…liked it? I mean I detested the insta-love of it all, but I think the ending was so sad? There was a lot of stuff outside the love story which was so real, and I can’t ignore that. Also, the audiobook was disgusting, ew.

• Abundance of Katherines By John Green – TWO STARS [review] –
  no one:
  literally no-one:
  not even john green himself:
  colin: I WANT TO MATTER! i want to be a gENIUS!!! i want to have a EuReKA moment!!! I waNT To MatteEEErrrRRR. why Doesn’T SHE LUrVE meeee. whY doEs everyoNe DuMp meEEEEee. I SAIIIID i wannnteed to be a geennniiuuussssssss. there’s a MISSING PIECE INSIDE ME. i want TO MATTER!!!! i want to be something in the world, i don’t want to be fORRRGOTTEEEEnnnn. please LET ME A BE A GENIUSSS. KATHERINE THE NINETEETH I LOVE YOU COME BACK TO MEEEE. 
• Lair of Dreams by Libba Bray – TWO STARS [a rambly review] // Look I love this world. Libba Bray is a genius. She makes you feel like you are living in 1920’s New York. The accuracy and attention to detail in this world is outstanding. But this book was not creepy in the least, which is this series main selling point, and nothing really happens. Plus, the climax was so boring. There are too many loose ends, and I don’t see how anything connects to book one, which I adored. I love the characters, I do, I just don’t like the direction everything was going in. 
• I’m also currently reading IF WE WERE VILLAINS which is SoOOoO good (finally a good read!) and I might start We Set The Dark on Fire soon!

AND HAVE YOU BEEN WRITING ILSA? Wooh. Even I don’t know the answer to this one friends! Am I doing NaNoWriMo? I failed last year, but since then have been expanding #themonsterwip, which I introduced last year in a terrible post, and its now something I really genuinely want to write. Its a much larger story which such exciting elements. Buuuuuuuut school. And i’m looking into colleges (for you US folk, not college college. Like a sixth form extension of secondary school. Do some research on our school system, I can’t be bothered to explain) so there’s a *lot* going in my life including my kitchen being rebuilt so house is a work in progress right now which is rather chaotic. So? Do I do NaNoWriMo? I’ve officially made it a project on the website, but I’m just so unsure! I want to do it but there’s hardly any time. I think I’m just going to try. Not aim for the full 50k, just try. Get something done.

music i’m loving

• lana del ray’s new album // VENICE BITCH IS SO GOOD!!!
• Comfort Crowd by Conan Gray
• Easy by Camila Cabello, and Shameless! I loved her SNL performances
• Boys like you by dodie (UHM THE VIDEO FOR THIS??)
• I AM OBSESSED WITH TAYLOR SWIFT’S NEW ALBUM!!! I want to do an entire post on it – would anyone be interested? But LOVER is such a masterpiece I’m still !! about it.
• it’s that time of year where i scream lorde songs
• venturing into taylor’s old country music? yes.

that’s all for now! this post is a very big mess but i thought you deserved to know where i am. goodbye!!!!

ilsa