*melts into a puddle* // i’m not back from my hiatus, i’m just saying hi!!!

It kinda thrills me to write this post.


(this post will be mostly unedited, full of typos, what is grammar, what is a sentence, where is my sanity, I don’t know what this is, an update post?, I don’t even know if my blog is alive anymore, is anyone reading this, okay)

My last proper post was August 24th 2019. So it’s been about two months. WHERE AM I. is my new brand disappearing, coming back to write an update post, then disappearing again? Maybe. I’m becoming one of those annoying bloggers who keeps swearing their back from their hiatus but never are.

I’m sorry!

School this year has been hectic, and wild. I feel like I hardly ever have a spare moment to myself. I’ve only got to write this because its my half term, a week-long break off school, so I can finally BREATHE. Though, the looming responsibility of homework is still there, at the back of my mind.

The truth is, I’m not sure where I am with blogging right now.

Before school, ah – the blissful summer holidays, I did some thinking about where this new school year would take me. I already knew it would be my most stressful year because duh – GCSES! So, I came to the conclusion that I needed to quit blogging.

At the time, it did sound nice. I wanted to continue reviewing on goodreads (because I find it just loads of fun and need a place to ramble) and also didn’t mind Instagram. I would delete my twitter account because I detest everything twitter and toxic…and focus a lot more on myself. To be quite frank, leaving blogging didn’t panic me…it excited me

And yet months without it made me realise I miss it quite a bit. Do I miss it because it’s been a staple of my life for five years or because I actually enjoy it? A memoir by me

I just…I’m not leaving blogging! Didn’t mean to panic you. I don’t really want to do right now, and so I won’t. I wanted to let you guys know that I’ve been considering it – heavily.

I’m not back properly and won’t be until July. This is not my coming back from hiatus post. This is me saying I HAVE FREE TIME BUT WILL RETREAT INTO MY CAVE SOON I’M JUST POPPING INTO THE DAYLIGHT TO SAY HI

Have I been reading your lovely posts? Unfortunately, no. I’ve clicked on a few, and commented on some but I just haven’t had the time to do anything, let alone blog hop! I do miss you all though and all the fun bookishness of everything.

I guess I should talk more about Twitter. I’m going to be deactivating my account soon (once I’ve backed it all up) because I HATE IT. Over the past 2 or 3 years I’ve been on the cursed site, I’ve become to detest it. I hate to use the word but its so toxic. It’s people having opinions that aren’t really theirs…just a copy of someone popular. It’s being hateful for retweets. It’s so, so negative and shames you for liking anything! Book twitter is SOOOOOOOOOOOOO stupid, like the most, and I hate everyone on there making big deals about EVERYTHING every WEEK. Like gosh do any of these people have LIVES?!?!?!?? I just hate petty drama.

ARE YOU TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF ILSA? You all ask. Well, I’m too tired to breathe most of the time. I have extra lessons after school everyday making me even more tired when I come home, as I’ve already had to wake up very early for school. The weather is nearly always miserable, and there’s always homework to do everyday, plus extra revision and studying to do in preparation for exams. And then there’s all that extra stress of being a teenager with stupid struggles and a stupid mind! 


I don’t know. Please don’t try and be sympathetic for me because I feel like its me not knowing how time manage AT ALL!!!!

But yeah! HAVE YOU BEEN READING ILSA? Barely. The only main thing I have time for are audiobooks as I can listen to them on the way to school but other than that, I haven’t had a lot of time to indulge into a physical novel. 

  • Sorcery Of Thorns by Margaret Rogerson – FOUR STARS [review]  // There’s not a day I don’t miss this world – the warm cosy feel of Elisabeth in Nathaniel’s study, the hum of libraries, the dangerous threat of demons, and the electricity of magic. AHHH. This book basically saved my life, and provided an escape from reality, when I so desperately desperately needed it. Its predictable, and slow, and drags out, and too convenient at times, but gosh, if it wasn’t deeply immersive. Also, demons with a sad backstory?…Yes
  • Uprooted by Naomi Novik – ONE STAR [review]  // i was really fooled by the first 100 pages of this novel. they were fast-paced, intriguing and managed to be a great set up for a story that i thought would be utterly breathtaking. when i tell you i was ready to five star this, i mean i had 23 speeches in my head declaring my adoration of this story and was prepared to add it to every favourites list ever. but, just like my life, this book only went downhill. i’m just not sure what the point of this book was. By the end, I was skimming the pages, desperately wanting it to be over. this book was mostly a snooze-fest and mostly consisted of me not giving one fuck.
  • The Sun is Also a Star by Nicola Yoon – THREE STARS [a very poorly written review] – YA love story fluffly contemporary…please no. But, shocker, I kinda…liked it? I mean I detested the insta-love of it all, but I think the ending was so sad? There was a lot of stuff outside the love story which was so real, and I can’t ignore that. Also, the audiobook was disgusting, ew.
  • Abundance of Katherines By John Green – TWO STARS [review] –
    no one:
    literally no-one:
    not even john green himself:
    colin: I WANT TO MATTER! i want to be a gENIUS!!! i want to have a EuReKA moment!!! I waNT To MatteEEErrrRRR. why Doesn’T SHE LUrVE meeee. whY doEs everyoNe DuMp meEEEEee. I SAIIIID i wannnteed to be a geennniiuuussssssss. there’s a MISSING PIECE INSIDE ME. i want TO MATTER!!!! i want to be something in the world, i don’t want to be fORRRGOTTEEEEnnnn. please LET ME A BE A GENIUSSS. KATHERINE THE NINETEETH I LOVE YOU COME BACK TO MEEEE. 
  • Lair of Dreams by Libba Bray – TWO STARS [a rambly review] // Look I love this world. Libba Bray is a genius. She makes you feel like you are living in 1920’s New York. The accuracy and attention to detail in this world is outstanding. But this book was not creepy in the least, which is this series main selling point, and nothing really happens. Plus, the climax was so boring. There are too many loose ends, and I don’t see how anything connects to book one, which I adored. I love the characters, I do, I just don’t like the direction everything was going in. 
  • I’m also currently reading IF WE WERE VILLAINS which is SoOOoO good (finally a good read!) and I might start We Set The Dark on Fire soon!

AND HAVE YOU BEEN WRITING ILSA? Wooh. Even I don’t know the answer to this one friends! Am I doing NaNoWriMo? I failed last year, but since then have been expanding #themonsterwip, which I introduced last year in a terrible post, and its now something I really genuinely want to write. Its a much larger story which such exciting elements. Buuuuuuuut school. And i’m looking into colleges (for you US folk, not college college. Like a sixth form extension of secondary school. Do some research on our school system, I can’t be bothered to explain) so there’s a *lot* going in my life including my kitchen being rebuilt so house is a work in progress right now which is rather chaotic. So? Do I do NaNoWriMo? I’ve officially made it a project on the website, but I’m just so unsure! I want to do it but there’s hardly any time. I think I’m just going to try. Not aim for the full 50k, just try. Get something done.

music i’m loving

  • lana del ray’s new album // VENICE BITCH IS SO GOOD!!!
  • Comfort Crowd by Conan Gray
  • Easy by Camila Cabello, and Shameless! I loved her SNL performances
  • Boys like you by dodie (UHM THE VIDEO FOR THIS??)
  • I AM OBSESSED WITH TAYLOR SWIFT’S NEW ALBUM!!! I want to do an entire post on it – would anyone be interested? But LOVER is such a masterpiece I’m still !! about it.
  • it’s that time of year where i scream lorde songs
  • venturing into taylor’s old country music? yes.

that’s all for now! this post is a very big mess but i thought you deserved to know where i am. goodbye!!!!


17 thoughts on “*melts into a puddle* // i’m not back from my hiatus, i’m just saying hi!!!”

  1. 😂😂😂 Big mess or not, I still loved reading your rambly thoughts!!! Good luck with school, the remodeling, finding a college (and I will go research your school system…) and just life in general!! I hope you find time to enjoy and still have fun 💖 I’m also super excited to read Sorcery of Thorns, so I’m so glad you liked it!!


  2. I can completely relate to your situation. I started high school in August and everything’s just been so hectic with all the work and extracurriculars, so I decided to cut back on blogging for a while, so I could focus on school. I keep thinking that I should start blogging again, but it never happens. But I really enjoyed reading this post, it was so fun!!! I have also been loving Taylor Swift’s new album, and been venturing into her country music, so I would absolutely love to see a post on that!!! Good luck with everything!
    ❤ Arunima


    1. AHHHH i so want to do a post on taylor swift since i love her SO MUCh but i haven’t been blogging much at all!! i hope ur dealing with all the stress and work okay ❤ thanks so much for the luck, i deffo need it. happy holidays ❤


  3. Hi Ilsa!! 👋 Glad to hear you’re surviving, and I’m looking forward to your triumphant return to blogging, whenever that happens to be 😄 Also, I just read Lair of Dreams too and felt very similarly. Good luck with life and happy reading! 💕


  4. I can completely relate. I started school in September and have had hardly any time to post or blog hop which sucks. It’s my half term soon so I’d love to write and pre-schedule a ton but a-levels are such a stress so who knows.
    I recently discovered Conan Gray and I have been missing out because I absolutely love his music!! The King is my no.1 fave though I love it. & Lover is insane – so so good.
    Good luck with everything!


    1. ahhh good luck in a-levels. i’m not ready for them (starting college next year) and can’t imagine the stress you must be under. oh em gee IM IN LOVE WITH THE KING i also adore lookalike so much too ❤ thanks so much for the good luck ❤ happy holidays ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Take care, Ilsa! The most important thing is your health, so make sure you’re resting and drinking water!! (I should apply this to myself too lol) The weather hasn’t been nice here either so I’m feeling down most times, and there’s a huge workload, I understand. But you got this! ❤ We'll still be here when you come back for good ^^ Enjoy your break!


    for something unedited, this post is pretty good, like wow my first drafts can’t relate. WAIT YOU SUMMED UP ALL MY THOUGHTS ON LAIR OF DREAMS HOW. like, it was disappointing because literally nothing happened, but Libba Bray is still a genius and I still stan her


    1. hahhah thanks?? i’m sure ur first drafts are amazing too!! AND YEAH. lair of dreams was ?? questionable overall. i loved before the devil breaks you SO MUCH THO (like still some questionable parts but it was amuch better book imo) and IM NOT READY FOR KING OF CROWS but also i need it now.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Aw I love Taylor Swift’s old country music, it’s so adorable. And yeah GCSEs are not fun but also teachers make such a big deal out of them when really they’re not that bad. Good luck with them though!


    1. RIGHT!! i can’t believe i never ventured into her older albums before – PURE GOLD. yes my school is making gcses seem like their the hugest thing in the world when in reality i’m only concerned about a few grades. thanks for the luck and happy holidays ❤


  8. I haven’t read Lair of Dreams, but I HAVE read The Diviners, and honestly I was just kind of confused? Not actually by the book, just by my feelings. I thought it was fine, but JUST fine. Not really that great. So I’m not sure about the hype. I listened to it as an audiobook (during a phase I had where I was pretty much solely doing so) so maybe that affected my feelings? Anyhow, I’m not sure whether the second book is worth picking up. I think I’ve decided not to, but who knows, maybe I’ll change my mind.
    Okay, I also desperately need to read If We Were Villains and We Set the Dark on Fire too. I can’t believe I missed out on so many 2019 releases last year! Agh! So many books!!
    Side note: I am also COMPLETELY OBSESSED with Dodie. Just completely obsessed. I would die for her and her new music. Just die. (Have you listened to Catie Turner or Finneas and do you like them? They both kind of give me the same vibe as dodie and I’m super here for it)


    1. If you listened to the audiobook for book 1 and didn’t want to continue…then don’t. Normally I scream at people “the series is going to get better but please continue!!” I loved book 1, but book 2 was a mess and book 3 was just everything to me. But if you didn’t feel strongly about book 1, you’re not going to care about the later books? SO yeah.
      If we Were Villains was one of my faves of 2019. it was so dark and atmospheric and good? and emotional.

      UHM YES HELLO FELLOW DODIE STAN. I love her music so so much and her videos! (I have not listened to Catie Turner (will check her out) but omg FINNEAS. I haven’t listened to a LOT of his music but I love Shelter, Claudia, and I lost A friend soooooo much)

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Okay, I’ll definitely take that to heart. It’s the sad truth because I was really hoping to love Libba Bray. I might pick up something else by her in the future.
        YES I love atmospheric books, that sounds right up my alley!! I’m pretty sure my library has a copy so I need to get that checked out ASAP.
        OML I COULD SCREAM ABOUT DODIE FOR DAYS. She’s just an amazing human being?? I think all musicians need to learn from dodie because she’s got it down.
        I hope you like Catie! I haven’t listened to him all that much but I went on a binge all of yesterday and now I feel like a seasoned pro lol.


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