Well uhm hello there!!
It is me. Ilsa. I haven’t been doing much lately, in terms of being online and interacting with people. What I don’t need right now is reassurance, I just need you to understand that my life is a mess, and two, I’m in this weird zone between stressed and laid back and being worried about this takes up 50% of my day.
Well, If I even start to think of NaNo, I want to put my head in my hands, take a deep breath and begin to cry. Which is why I have been – I admit – ignoring it. I wrote a little on the first few days and then, I guess I didn’t. I’m not going to lie and say “I have no idea why this happened.” because you know – honesty is the best policy and all that. I haven’t been writing this November because I realised sometimes writing can’t be a priority.
It’s actually been hard to accept because I used to write all the time. It was only a few months ago, where I was writing a poem every day, or doing something writing related quite regularly. But I have to stay at school longer, meaning I’m more tired when I come home and I have a really important mocks coming up in about two weeks! TWO WEEKS! And they’re just mocks – not real exams – but the thought obviously still worries me – I haven’t even started studying. My school has also decided that for the last two weeks that homework is just so much fun and they should give out as much as possible. I genuinely have never had so much work to do in such a little amount of time – it’s overwhelming.
And I can deal with it! I write to-do lists and organise my time and go to sleep at reasonable hours – I’m organised enough to deal with more things in my day – but it doesn’t mean I have time to do other things. Like read books! Or write.
And believe me, I do try and make time for these things. I’m listening to an audiobook for the first time in forever because I want to make use of the time in which I am preforming mundane tasks. But I can’t write using my mind, there’s no audio write (I mean text-to-speech but I’m not going to be walking to school writing my story am I now) Writing requires me to sit down and genuinely take some time for myself – which I honestly and truly do not have right now. I can’t do that.
I feel like I’m exaggerating things here. I don’t have THAT much work – I have a lot but it’s not too much to handle. I do have spare time – in which I spend with my family, or reading, or napping, or eating, or watching videos or going on social media. “HUH!!! Why aren’t you using your social media or youtube time to WRITE.” Because I’m a human. And by the time I come home, I’m so mentally drained, that even if I did swap some time out for writing – it’d be very low quality and I wouldn’t be satisfied with it. (there are weekends, but I procrastinate or have other things to busy myself with.)
Here’s a snippet from my first 5000 words though because I’m so kind.
So I read my first Adam Silver book – an author who people rave about – and I wasn’t exactly disappointed – but I was not blown away either. It made me CRY – the beginning at least. I was sobbing my eyes out. And then after that, I really couldn’t care about the characters. I appreciated that everything was messed up and raw and emotional but it just wasn’t very poignant for me – I’m not sure why. Definitely a book that went downhill for me.
I’ve already read this entire series but!! I thought it was time for a re-read and it was so good. I genuinely love the characters to this series SO MUCH. Like I can’t even begin to tell you how deeply I posses the desire to write like Maggie Stiefvater, how every single character in this book literally makes me smile, or how like the characters mean more to me than anything in this entire universe. Or like how I can’t breathe when any character speaks. AND HOW MY HEART HAS LOVE FOR ONLY THE RAVEN BOYS AND BLUE AND CALLA AND MAURA AND PERSEPHONE AND JUST EVERYONE. I-
I fricking LOVE this book.
And THIS is the audio book I’m listening to write now and holy crap guys, is it possible to fall MORE in love with a series because ugh. I honestly don’t know how I hated it the first time round, because I’m genuinely enjoying this so much. Buuut I still miss all the magical vibes. I’m about 3 hours-ish through this and the narrator’s voice complements the book SO WELL. But he also makes Adam sound dumb, excuse me. Also I’d die for Calla.
This is a book I just started today and UMM, I love the writing style, like I genuinely want to marry it. I’m not sure what I think of the actual plot so far – I’m on page 100- but it’s so vague (I love) and giving me these cool, magical vibes and I have no idea what’s happening but there’s delicious food and Midnight Dinners and rings and kissing in the rain and illusions – so like you could say this might be my favourite book of 2018 because it’s just so whimsical.
I’m not sure if I LIKE things so far – I’m on about page fifty – but it’s okay. It’s very dark and deadly so far, but I don’t know much. I’m curious to see how this continues – right now it’s a bit slow and dry.
So this is the segment where I talk about my life. Honestly, nothing amazing is happening in my life right now. The festive season is here, I might be getting a new phone, hot chocolate is good, Christmas carols light up my entire soul, I’m an awkward mess, and walking to school in the cold just adds to those autumn vibes. Soon, it’s going to be winter and they’re BETTER be snow. Like, please. What is the point of waking up the morning and feeling like an icicle and then there’s not even snow to brighten up my day??? There is no point.
Genuinely want to have a TED talk about why snow is fucking amazing.
But that’s all from me today! I can’t think of anything else to write, I have kind of talked about everything and I have things to do and a bed to sleep in – so farewell.
(I’m genuinely not looking for sympathy here – I’m FINE. Just talk to me about your life, send me the positive vibes and the cute pet pictures and all the cool things happening, and the sweet little moments you have been having in your life lately!! TELL ME!! SHARE THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT OR WHATEVER EVEN THOUGH I DON’T CELEBRATE)
(Also I’m only a tiny bit salty: a lot of my internet blogging friends tell me “happy Christmas!” no matter how many times I say I don’t celebrate and it’s fine – i get it. But like, no shade no tea, no one ever says Eid Mubarak to me haha? But I don’t mind!!!! Just feeling a bit salty today, wanted to spill some tea!)
ilsa – (it’s curently warm in my bedroom, i am hidden by blankets and there is a book beside me, waiting to be read)