an update on my life; autumn, writing, reading and exams.

Well uhm hello there!!

It is me. Ilsa. I haven’t been doing much lately, in terms of being online and interacting with people. What I don’t need right now is reassurance, I just need you to understand that my life is a mess, and two, I’m in this weird zone between stressed and laid back and being worried about this takes up 50% of my day.

Writing (NaNo!)

Well, If I even start to think of NaNo, I want to put my head in my hands, take a deep breath and begin to cry. Which is why I have been – I admit – ignoring it. I wrote a little on the first few days and then, I guess I didn’t. I’m not going to lie and say “I have no idea why this happened.” because you know – honesty is the best policy and all that. I haven’t been writing this November because I realised sometimes writing can’t be a priority.

It’s actually been hard to accept because I used to write all the time. It was only a few months ago, where I was writing a poem every day, or doing something writing related quite regularly. But I have to stay at school longer, meaning I’m more tired when I come home and I have a really important mocks coming up in about two weeks! TWO WEEKS! And they’re just mocks – not real exams – but the thought obviously still worries me – I haven’t even started studying. My school has also decided that for the last two weeks that homework is just so much fun and they should give out as much as possible. I genuinely have never had so much work to do in such a little amount of time – it’s overwhelming.

And I can deal with it! I write to-do lists and organise my time and go to sleep at reasonable hours – I’m organised enough to deal with more things in my day – but it doesn’t mean I have time to do other things. Like read books! Or write.

And believe me, I do try and make time for these things. I’m listening to an audiobook for the first time in forever because I want to make use of the time in which I am preforming mundane tasks. But I can’t write using my mind, there’s no audio write (I mean text-to-speech but I’m not going to be walking to school writing my story am I now) Writing requires me to sit down and genuinely take some time for myself – which I honestly and truly do not have right now. I can’t do that.

I feel like I’m exaggerating things here. I don’t have THAT much work – I have a lot but it’s not too much to handle.  I do have spare time – in which I spend with my family, or reading, or napping, or eating, or watching videos or going on social media. “HUH!!! Why aren’t you using your social media or youtube time to WRITE.” Because I’m a human. And by the time I come home, I’m so mentally drained, that even if I did swap some time out for writing – it’d be very low quality and I wouldn’t be satisfied with it. (there are weekends, but I procrastinate or have other things to busy myself with.)

Here’s a snippet from my first 5000 words though because I’m so kind.

Reading

History Is All You Left Me

So I read my first Adam Silver book – an author who people rave about – and I wasn’t exactly disappointed – but I was not blown away either. It made me CRY – the beginning at least. I was sobbing my eyes out. And then after that, I really couldn’t care about the characters. I appreciated that everything was messed up and raw and emotional but it just wasn’t very poignant for me – I’m not sure why. Definitely a book that went downhill for me.

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I’ve already read this entire series but!! I thought it was time for a re-read and it was so good. I genuinely love the characters to this series SO MUCH. Like I can’t even begin to tell you how deeply I posses the desire to write like Maggie Stiefvater, how every single character in this book literally makes me smile, or how like the characters mean more to me than anything in this entire universe. Or like how I can’t breathe when any character speaks. AND HOW MY HEART HAS LOVE FOR ONLY THE RAVEN BOYS AND BLUE AND CALLA AND MAURA AND PERSEPHONE AND JUST EVERYONE. I-

I fricking LOVE this book. 

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And THIS is the audio book I’m listening to write now and holy crap guys, is it possible to fall MORE in love with a series because ugh. I honestly don’t know how I hated it the first time round, because I’m genuinely enjoying this so much. Buuut I still miss all the magical vibes. I’m about 3 hours-ish through this and the narrator’s voice complements the book SO WELL. But he also makes Adam sound dumb, excuse me. Also I’d die for Calla. 

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This is a book I just started today and UMM, I love the writing style, like I genuinely want to marry it. I’m not sure what I think of the actual plot so far – I’m on page 100- but it’s so vague (I love) and giving me these cool, magical vibes and I have no idea what’s happening but there’s delicious food and Midnight Dinners and rings and kissing in the rain and illusions – so like you could say this might be my favourite book of 2018 because it’s just so whimsical.

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I’m not sure if I LIKE things so far – I’m on about page fifty – but it’s okay. It’s very dark and deadly so far, but I don’t know much. I’m curious to see how this continues – right now it’s a bit slow and dry.

AUTUMN

So this is the segment where I talk about my life. Honestly, nothing amazing is happening in my life right now. The festive season is here, I might be getting a new phone, hot chocolate is good, Christmas carols light up my entire soul, I’m an awkward mess, and walking to school in the cold just adds to those autumn vibes. Soon, it’s going to be winter and they’re BETTER be snow. Like, please. What is the point of waking up the morning and feeling like an icicle and then there’s not even snow to brighten up my day??? There is no point.

Genuinely want to have a TED talk about why snow is fucking amazing.

But that’s all from me today! I can’t think of anything else to write, I have kind of talked about everything and I have things to do and a bed to sleep in – so farewell.

(I’m genuinely not looking for sympathy here – I’m FINE. Just talk to me about your life, send me the positive vibes and the cute pet pictures and all the cool things happening, and the sweet little moments you have been having in your life lately!! TELL ME!! SHARE THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT OR WHATEVER EVEN THOUGH I DON’T CELEBRATE)

(Also I’m only a tiny bit salty: a lot of my internet blogging friends tell me “happy Christmas!” no matter how many times I say I don’t celebrate and it’s fine – i get it. But like, no shade no tea, no one ever says Eid Mubarak to me haha? But I don’t mind!!!! Just feeling a bit salty today, wanted to spill some tea!)

ilsa – (it’s curently warm in my bedroom, i am hidden by blankets and there is a book beside me, waiting to be read)

 

18 thoughts on “an update on my life; autumn, writing, reading and exams.”

  1. I loved this entire post, you’re story sounds so good, the snippets just made me crack up and I think I rolled around on the floor for a solid five minutes! I completely get the thing about exams, I’ve just finished mine for the year and it was horrible going through them! xo

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    1. Thanks so much Emily! The fact that you like the snippet fo my story makes me really excited and makes me want to continue writing! I’m glad you finished exams, they’re the worst and so stressful! I hope you’re having great holdiays right now! Take care of yourself. x

      Liked by 2 people

  2. I loved this post. I haven’t been interacting much online either. The last post I did was my October Wrap-Up. I’ve actually kind of enjoyed the break. I’m gonna have a post soon explaining my hiatus. I also want to read more of your story.

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  3. It’s totally understandable that you need enough mental power to read! Busy lives take up all our energy, and recently I’ve started listening to audiobooks more often too enough though I don’t prefer them because then I can multi task and also it gives me a mental break. So don’t be too hard on yourself! 🙂

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    1. Audiobooks are great especially if you’re mentally and physically drained – they just require less brain power. I hate when I’m so tired after school I lie down and listen to my audiobook in my bed! Not because the book is boring, but because I’m just so exhausted!

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  4. Ah man, I totally feel you with mocks. Mine start on December 3rd and I’m dreading it 😦 like you said, they’re not the proper thing, but teachers keep yelling at us at how important it is, and in a way it’s just a test to prove if we’re on the right track for the real thing in May and I stressedddd.
    Honestly can’t wait until gcses are over😭
    Loved your snippet! (As always hehe) and im just glad to see any other post from you again 🙂
    Hang in there – I know you don’t want sympathy but I more than understand so yeahh, I hope you’re okay❤
    Oh and just think of Xmas break! I can’t wait to do absolutely nothing but read, eat and watch YouTube and Netflix for two weeks😂
    (just on case you don’t know – I’ve lost track of who I’ve told – this is jas from It’s simply me, Jasmine! Made this new blog and kinda abandoned it but oh well :/)

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  5. I really enjoyed reading this update, thank you! I totally understand about the work because I’ve felt like that a lot this year, not super overwhelmed and I manage but then I don’t have time to do things like write or read which is kinda disappointing since it’s something that I’ve always done a lot of. I LOVE THE SNIPPET FROM YOUR STORY!!! Also it’s spring here and like the rainiest it’s ever been honestly it’s not getting any warmer and it’s just flooding everywhere urgh. I’m in exam season and just had my second last exam but my last one is on November 30th so that’s something to look forward to. Just remember that you won’t be busy forever and you’ll have time to do everything you love after this period is over ❤

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  6. I know what you mean about juggling school with everything else. I didn’t write anything that I wanted to write while in university. Like you say, yeah, I had some relaxing time, but after college, homework, and if you have a job too, you’re just brain dead after all that. Looking back, I can tell I was really unhappy because I didn’t have my writing time, but what are you going to do?

    Also, The Raven Boys is life! Is it possible to love the characters and the story more? Wow. I’m really overdue for a reread.

    Good luck with everything!

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    1. my exams are over!! well I mean I have a maths exam but that’s not important because I’ve got through the main stressful weeks of exams and IM SO HAPPY. I can’t wait to just relax in a week’s time and have some time OFF from school! Maybe have some time for writing? Fingers crossed. And I hope you’ve had more time to do thinsg you enjoy lately? Maybe? The Raven Boys is just FABULOUS. I’m on blue lily lily blue right now and I’M IN LOVE. The characters are just, wow!

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      1. you’re welcome!! ahhh mood except replace french with spanish . i’m just so happy to be on break now !! i have so much extra time now which is why i finally came back to visit wordpress after literally 8 months…

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      2. it is! I’m still waiting on one, whats actually happened is i got an 98 and a 99 in my 2 hardest subjects and only a 92 in my easiest subject. so a rollercoaster

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